The Indiewriter vs Juggling

So the first Ebook is out and the paperback version is in the process of being published (Amazon can take up to 72 hours to be active on their website). Time to take a break, sit back and enjoy the labor of my hard work, right?

Or so I thought. I’ve been busier than ever. With the first reviews etc coming in, the request for more is pressing. So, I’m busting my ass to finish the second novel, get it edited etc.

At the same time, I still want to do some more research about going ‘wide’ (have my paperback in more shops than just Amazon), ads, etc. I also need to find out how to connect my Ebook to my paperback on Amazon. It does on my ‘bookshelf’ but not on the actual shop. So I need to get behind that asap.

Also, I need to think of great ways to promote my books at the convention I have planned for the end of September. (more on that later). It seems like a long time ahead still, but if you want things printed (I’m thinking posters, bookmarkers, maybe even customized linen tote bags) I need to make the designs and get it to a printer in time.

And then there is my reader magnet story on Archive of our own (AO3) that I’m writing and where people want regular updates on. Okay, it doesn’t require the same amount of editing etc I do on my novels, but still needs to be written from scratch and checked over. So it takes up time. I set out a deadline of a chapter a week for myself, but already I’m falling behind. (just by a few days but still.)

Then there are newsletters to be written (also took me waaaay longer than I anticipated), ad campaigns to manage, ads to be made, blurs to be written for the second novel and and and….

There are days now where I seriously feel like I’m drowning in things to do. And for now, I’m still into this full time, no other job on the side. It’s a lot. I knew this when I started the process, and I’m still behind it, but sometimes it gets really overwhelming. On ‘good’ days, I tell myself, that since it’s my own ‘business’, I can take my time. It doesn’t have to happen all at once. I can finish and publish the second book whenever I feel like it. And that’s true of course. BUT, pretty much every ‘business model’ for a successful writing career dictates that you need to bring out your books in a reasonable time frame. You don’t want your readers to forget all about you because you took forever to get the next installment out.

So besides being a writer, a publisher, an ad campaign manager, apparently you also need to be a juggler in order to be a successful indie writer.

And the list of skills needed grows…..

When you finally hold your baby in your hands…

It finally happened. After months of hard work, pain, stress, and tears, it’s finally here; The mailman smiles unknowingly as he hands me the package that holds the fruit of my labor. “Please sign here,” he says. And I couldn’t be happier as I sign.

Once in my living room, a sudden fear strikes me. What if it came out all wrong? For an hour or so I simply stare at it as I do my chores. My eye never too far away from the package resting on the table.

Finally I gather the courage to open it. My baby, Dinner at Dawn. It smiles up at me as I unwrap the packaging material and I can’t help but tear up. Is this what becoming a mother feels like? I couldn’t be more proud when I gently stroke its cover, its spine. Admiring the feel of it. As I open it, my fingers stroke the never before touched pages. My normally pragmatic mind tells me to stop being so dramatic and emotional. “It’s a book, one you’ve seen and worked on for ages. You’ve stared at the cover and content thousands of times, what’s so special now?”

I don’t know. All I know is that it is. Very special. I’m tearing up and I can’t stop it. It’s like all the stress and hard work suddenly pours out and grips me, but in a good way. A relieved way.

After I gathered myself (it took a while) I pick it up again. Taking a closer, more pragmatic look. Okay, the cover is a bit on the dark side. (POD apparently comes out darker than your screen does) and there are a few minor mistakes here and there. But that was to be expected. And can still be edited.

Overall though, it’s one hell of a magical experience to hold your book for the first time. This feeling will probably fade the more books you have published, but for now, I feel like I’m high as a kite, and I can’t wipe the stupid grin off my face.

I’m not a very confident person. I don’t do great things, broke no records of any kind, never won a contest in my life. Mediocre is what I would describe myself at. But now, seeing my book for the first time, with MY name on the cover…. I think for the first time in my life I feel truly proud of myself. Proud of what I accomplished. Loads of people say “Oh, I want to write a book one day.” But I actually did it. Even if it won’t become a bestseller, even if I only sell a handful of copies… No one can take this away from me.

Celebrating small successes

Today started off great. One of my ARC readers dropped me a line on Facebook saying she loved my novel and wanted to know if she could talk about it with her readers group on KU (Kindle Unlimited). Duh yes, you can! lol. I was over the moon, and after having a rough week with lots of insecurities concerning my writing (the copy ad thing for my trailer didn’t help much ) I could really use this.

It also shows how even the little comments can have such a profound impact on our moods, and by extension, on our motivation.

I know, today I got lucky. (and I’m sooo grateful that was one of my first reactions) But I know some pretty harsh ones will follow sooner or later. People will always judge you, and there will always be people who won’t like what you write. You can’t please everyone. It’s a scary thing. Especially because I know I’ll take it hard and personal. Therefore I have decided to celebrate every small compliment and accomplishment. It’s a big deal. Even if this whole journey will fail, the novel a huge flop, at least this person today liked it. And that’s what I’ll take with me.

Book trailers and ad copy

Today we worked on my booktrailer. As I mentioned before, my brother is doing the whole technical side of it, and we got off to a flying start. Everything was goign great and then we got to the part where we had to add text…

Today we worked on my book trailer. As I mentioned before, my brother is doing the whole technical side of it, and we got off to a flying start. Everything was going great and then we got to the part where we had to add text…

Of course, I had thought about that part, even watched dozens of other book trailers as a reference and had pretty much thought I could wing this. After all, I have already written two 90K words novels, how hard could it be to write a few sentences. Okay, not entirely true; I also had a hard time writing my blurb. But that’s why I thought this would be a piece of cake, I already had my blurb, so my idea was to use that text for the trailer as well. Great idea! Except it didn’t work. It was waaaaay too long and wordy.

I tried shortening sentences and such, but the results were just ‘meh’.

Now, my brother hasn´t read my book but is rather opinionated about his likes and dislikes. And with every sentence my brain could come up with, I got thumps down. (accompanied by several expletives) “It doesn’t want me to buy this book!”, “It’s not funny.” etc etc. I can tell you, after several hours of this, my head was in the gutter, self-doubt crippling me even more with every comment thrown my way. I wrote an entire novel–a novel several beta, and proofreaders have read and liked. People tell me my writing is ‘witty’, ‘sharp humored’, ‘funny’. Why can’t I come up with a few one-liners when it counts?!

Frustrated, we closed up for the day, and it was back to the drawing board for me to come up with better texts. And then it hit me. I wasn’t writing a story. I was writing ad copy. And that’s a whole different ballgame, isn’t it? Though I can’t exactly put my finger on the differences, that doesn’t mean it’s the same. At least that’s what my mind is telling me. (read: reassuring me with) I feel stupid and scared I’ll never find the right words, the right note. So instead, I’ll try and clear my mind, and try again tomorrow with a clean slate. My novel wasn’t written in one go either.

The end? Or the beginning?

After many years of writing idea’s, scenes etc, I finally came around to actually writing a novel. The first in a series to be more precise. I never gave it much thought, as to me it always was a hobby, something private. Yet after talking with a friend (read, getting my ass whipped) she convinced me that maybe there are people out there who would love to read my story.

After much deliberation, I slowly started to do some research into it and decided that self-publishing would be the way to go. Easy peasy! They said. ‘They’ being the many self-publishing and or POD (printing on demand) sites. Great, I thought. Because with no background in publishing, it felt nice to hear that everyone could do this.

But then things started to get more serious. I’m a modest person by nature, and I don’t have any expectations of becoming the next J.K. Rowling, or another newby writer who rises to best selling status overnight. but I generally don’t like to do things halfway either. If I’m going to expose my ‘baby’ out there, I’m going to give it everything I can to succeed in the big bad world.

Via the wonderful Facebook NANOWRIMO community (really go check them out, they are great!) I came to another FB group called 20booksto50K. Again, I never expect to make that much money with my book, but it did make me realize that maybe it’s not as ‘easy peasy’ as they make it out to be. In fact, the more I’m researching the whole ‘Indie world’, the more I realize there is sooooo much to it! From editing to covers, and from marketing to distribution.

I’m currently at a point where I feel totally overwhelmed one moment and completely motivated the next. I’m learning new things every day. Things I never ever considered I’d needed to know. Why this blog? First of all, it’s a way for me to help organize my thoughts and give the information I’m gathering a place. It helps me to put things in writing; As I’m writing it down, it’s downloading the information on my hard drive so to speak. But then I thought, maybe there are other people out there who are going through the same thing. Maybe right this moment, or maybe months after, but they might want to know they are not alone out there. They might learn from my successes (or failures, who knows at this point.) As a rather inquisitive person by nature, I like learning new things, so I’ve decided to board the rollercoaster and see where it will take me. Will it be a success? Failure? At least I’ve tried. No ‘what if’s’.